Just Like Before
by DaniPayson
Summary: I've had this idea in my head the last few days and had to get it out. Taking place just after The Lost Art of Forehead Sweat (thanks, Darin) and I will add more later. I just wanted to get what I had initially written up.
1. Chapter 1

The silence filled the room as we sat on the couch and just looked at each other. Inches apart, but neither sure what to actually say.

"Do you want to watch TV?" Mulder asked

I shook my head "No."

"Do you want to leave?" his voice cracked a bit on 'leave'

I shook my head again, "No."

I watched him swallow the big lump in his throat, "Do you want to go upstairs?"

I gave him a small smile and nodded, "Yes, I think I do."

The fact a fifty-six-year-old man was nervous about asking if I wanted to go upstairs was more of a turn on than I should have let it be, but as he took my hand and led me up the wooden staircase the overwhelming feeling of the past came over me. The day we bought the house – with cash – the day we moved in and had nothing but a mattress on the floor as we waited for it all to be delivered. The house felt so empty then, but we had each other and at the time that was all we needed. Now, random books lined the steps and papers were piled in every nook and cranny. Sadly, it was like this when I lived here, I just didn't find it something to complain about.

He didn't really need to lead me to the bedroom, I was well aware of where it was, but I let him anyway. The door was open and I was honestly shocked to see the bed had been made. He rarely made it when he never even left the house.

Nothing had changed. "Wow." I found myself saying as he turned on the lamp on the end table on his side of the bed.

"I've made it every day…in hope…anticipation…either. Both."

"Nothing has changed."

"Why would it?" he said sitting on the bed, "You picked this bed out."

"And the sheet set."

"Which I haven't washed since you left."

"What?" I was startled out of my mental journey to the past.

"I'm kidding." He said untying his right shoe, then his left before kicking them off his feet nearly hitting the wall, "They're Gain and Downy fresh I swear."

I smiled and nodded, looking down at my watch for a split second – a little after nine.

"No watch checking." Mulder said getting up and taking my wrist, "It's Friday."

"Habit." I replied looking up at him, "It's been a long day."

He nodded as well, "Long week…no out of town cases where there was even a chance of getting lucky."

"You have a one-track mind lately."

"Well, it's like a guy who was in the desert for years. He finally finds water and it's all he wants. I was in that desert a really long time."

"Me too." I replied biting my lip before he leaned down to kiss me, "But…" he pulled away

"But?"

I shook my head and smiled, "I forgot."

He smiled and continued what he was doing and placing his hands on my waist pulled me closer as I melted into him. My hands moving to his neck as the kiss deepened and part of me could have just stayed like this forever, but as he began to walk backwards while still holding me, I let him lead me to the bed where I had done so many things that would make nuns blush. Then smack my knuckles with rulers. After we had gotten to his side of the bed, I felt a rush of power and pulled away, startling the man before me. I then took my hands and placed my palms on his hard chest, pushing him onto the bed on his back. Seeming to understand what I was doing he moved back until most of his body was on the bed. I then took his hands, our fingers interlocking, and let him pull me onto the bed, straddling him. After staring at the hunger in his eyes for a few milliseconds I then leaned down to kiss him, deeply exploring every inch of his mouth as my hands moved to his jeans. Thankfully he wasn't wearing a belt as I unbuttoned and unzipped, my tongue focused on his mouth as my fingers reached in under the hard denim fabric to find what I desperately desired. He groaned into me as I took hold of his firmness, pulling it out of its closed barrier and letting my hand run up and down the shaft until I felt it harden und my fingers. Pulling away from his lips I sat up and as if in a trance closed my eyes and quickly removed my sweater and the brassiere under it. Tossing them God knows where in the bedroom I had made my own over a decade earlier. Opening my eyes again I looked down and Mulder's were fixated on my face, his mouth slightly a gap as I returned to the floor to remove what was left of my clothing, keeping my eyes on him the entire time – even as I fought with boots that refused to unzip correctly until I gave up and just pulled them off – also tossing them God knows where.

Once I was completely bare, the cold air of winter hit hard and I crawled back onto the bed, onto my partner's left side to help him pull off his jeans and shorts. He brought his right hand to the back of my head to pull me into another kiss and as our lips and tongues echoed what happened only minutes earlier, my hand wrapped around his shaft slowly moving it up and down the rigged hardness as he moaned into my mouth. Pulling away from his gentle touch, I took my free hand and slowly pushed him down on the bed, watching him watch me before I leaned forward and took him in my mouth. He moaned and jerked as my lips wrapped around his cock and remembering the feel of him inside my mouth made me no longer feel the coldness of the winter air. My tongue swirled around the shaft as his hands moved to my head, his groans getting louder as I teased the tip, then took him all in again. His nails dug into my skull as I continued to enjoy the power and pleasure of him between my lips. Within minutes his hands froze and I felt his cock jerk in my mouth, letting him release into me and holding him until I knew he was spent. Sitting up I swallowed and moved my eyes to his. His eyes were closed and I feared he had fallen asleep – out of habit.

I laid down in the middle of the bed and stared up at the ceiling, my lower legs under my thighs, I wasn't quite sure what to do next. I could get dressed and leave, I could take care of my own needs and just go to sleep, or I could wait for him to actually wake up and do something.

Thankfully the latter came quicker than I expected when out of nowhere his lips were on mine again and he pulled my legs out from under, wrapping them around his waist as he quickly entered me. I moaned into his mouth as he thrust harder and deeper. I let the intense pleasure take over me as mouth moved to my neck, sucking and biting my hot skin as the pain sent shivers coursing down my spine. I felt like a rabid animal as I dug my nails into his back and screamed out his name as the release came over me and his did the same while I continued to shake. We held each other for a minute or two before Mulder rolled over onto his back and I took count of my current rapid heartbeat.

Maybe it was being in this house, this bed, that came over me, but it was like I was…home.

I was startled awake to darkness. I was under the sheets with Mulder's right hand on my bare belly as he slept on his side facing me. Getting out of the bed I used the moonlight as an awful guide to find my clothes. Remembering I had left my jeans and boots on his side of the bed I went over there first where I was greeted with the lamp being turned on and two hazel, tired, eyes staring right at me.

"What are you doing?" he asked

"I need to go home." I replied picking up my boots and jeans from the floor.

"You are home." He replied, "Just come back to bed."

"I need to go." I said backing away from him and turning to see my bra dangling from the mirror on the dresser.

"Dana…" he moaned as I grabbed the undergarment, "It's Saturday."

"I know." I replied putting the sheer clothing on as quickly as possible while cursing cold underwire. "But I need to go." I found my sweater next to the dresser, "We've discussed this."

Mulder rolled his eyes before rubbing them, "This is ridiculous. No one at the FBI gives a rat's ass if we're sleeping together OR living together. They have bigger fish to fry. Bigger orange fish who feed off other fish in a crazy desire..."

He continued to mumble unrecognizable words as I pulled on the rest of my clothing then sat down on the edge of his side of the bed to fight with the boots zippers, "I would rather not take the risk." I added attempting to fruitlessly pull the zipper down.

Mulder took the boot from me and in one swift move got the zipper to work and handed it back to me, "Anyone over the age of thirty at that place knows our history. Knows YOU left the bureau to run off with ME."

"That's not true." I said handing him the other boot before placing the freed shoe on my left foot and zipping it up.

"Given I was there I think I know it is true." He unzipped the right boot and handed it back to me.

"I meant everyone knowing our history. Most of the agents there are more concerned with what happened on The Bachelor than our sorted history."

"Oh, it's sorted now?"

"You know what I mean." I put the boot on, zipped it up and then stood up on my tired feet looking down at him, "and I'd rather be known as the middle-aged weirdos who chase aliens than the middle-aged weirdos who can't be trusted with a locked office door. I have no need for anyone to know anything about my personal life or sex life."

"Now that we have one. Again. And I think we're past middle-aged."

I groaned at his last reply "I'm sorry if leaving in the middle of the night upsets you so much, but that's what needs to be done. I just don't want to bring attention to us. Even if it's Saturday. We're too exposed here."

"Then let's go away together." He said, "Just get in the car and drive to the Poconos, New York City, Niagara Falls, Canada…"

"That wouldn't bring on suspicion?"

"Not if we left in the middle of the night. Like fifteen years ago. The good old days."

"Oh, you mean when we had to go to leave for a new city and a new motel in the middle of the night every night to prevent black helicopters from finding and killing us? We clearly have different interpretations of what were the 'good old days' "

"They were to me. I had you. That's all I needed. That's all I wanted."

"You still have me, but for now I need to go." I walked to the other side of the bed and grabbed my watch off the nightstand, it was a little after one, "I need to get home before dawn. My neighbor keeps stealing my newspaper. I haven't caught him in the act yet, but I will."

"I've heard a lot of excuses for leaving in the middle of the night, but that's unique."

"I'm serious!" I exclaimed securing the watch on my wrist, "He's a crusty old man who never leaves his apartment unless he needs to steal my paper."

"If you moved back home that would never be a worry. No neighbors for miles."

"That's why we chose it." I sighed, "But you do need to fix the gate."

"I'm not worried about intruders. Anymore."

"Really? Need I remind you that you still need to replace the closet door downstairs because it's full of bullet holes?"

Mulder yawned, "They make wood fill ins for that."

Rolling my eyes, I went back to his side of the bed and gave him a quick kiss on the lips, "I'll see you at work Monday morning."

"Fine." He moaned turning off the light, "Don't forget your bag is on the kitchen table." He groaned as I left the bedroom.

Thankfully the moon was bright enough to find my bag and open it, pulling out my phone – no calls, no texts – and my keys.

I locked the front door behind me as I stepped up into my car and started the engine, backing and turning out of the long driveway and leaving my former home just as I had left so many nights, but stayed a little bit longer this time.

As I made my way back to D.C., an overwhelming feeling of sadness came over me. I already missed him. I hadn't felt this way in so very long, not since I watched him get on a train as I held our newborn son. Tears began to fall and I had to pull over to the side of the road. Tears for him, tears for William and tears for myself. Everything we could have had was taken away by my own inability to protect those I loved. For those four years, before I went back to school and got my specialty degree, before I went to work on dying children…it was just us. We only had each other and it was honestly the happiest I had ever seen Mulder in the entire time I had known him. Maybe to him those were the good old days, regardless of the danger that surrounded us. I wanted so much to protect him from the world that I never left his side, and even though we were older now I saw that Mulder again last night – until that light turned on.

I wanted to protect what we had, we stood in danger of our entire agency being shut down daily and I didn't want to do anything to help justify those threats, but in that moment, I knew I had to turn the car around.

Only forty-five minutes had passed between when I left the house and returned; the lights still off, I went to the front door and knocked. Hard. I could have used my key, but it honestly didn't feel right. I paced on the porch as I waited for the door to open. When it did, Mulder was wearing pajama pants and a heather grey t-shirt, "Did you forget something?" he asked.

"Let's go." I said a little too excited.

"Where?" he asked

"Anywhere. Just get in the car and go. Wherever we feel like stopping. Just like before."

"You're serious." His eyes narrowed at me.

I nodded, "I need this."

He nodded, "Just let me pack..."

"No packing. Just like before. Where all we had was the clothes on our backs and each other."

"I'm in my pajamas."

"Ok, well put on jeans. We'll stop at Wal-Mart and pick up toothbrushes and mouthwash and anything else we may need."

"Just like before." He smiled

I nodded.

"Give me five minutes." He said closing the screen door as I continued to pace. This honestly excited me. Clearly, I would have to find a credible excuse to get us out of work, but I doubted that would be a serious problem or if anyone would honestly miss us. Even though we were back in that basement office, we were still a joke and I still wasn't laughing.

Quicker than I expected, Mulder returned with jeans and boots, his leather jacket and his wallet and keys, "Whose driving?" he asked as he locked the front door.

"You are." I said handing him my eyes, "Just like before."

I started toward the steps and before my foot could step down, he took my hand, pulling me to him and kissing me, letting our lips touch for a few moments before he stood back up, "Just like before."


	2. Just Like Before - Continued

"Did you change your mind?"

I was startled out of a dead sleep, the right side of my head pressed firmly against the hard glass window.

"Huh?" I said out loud trying to make sense of my surroundings. I was in a car, it was dark, and I was with Mulder on a road, "Where are we?"

"I-95, about an hour out of Richmond." He was wearing an orange prison jumpsuit and his face looked as if he hadn't slept in days, "Did you change your mind? I can take you home."

"No." I said licking my dry lips and adjusting myself, "I am home." I looked at him and smiled.

"Me too." He replied smiling back at me before turning his eyes to the road, "From here on out it's just us."

"SCULLY!" I was startled awake in a brightly lit parking lot, "We're here."

"Where?" I asked adjusting my eyes to the lights then turning and seeing the giant blue Wal-Mart sign before turning to my left and seeing Mulder, older than I had seen him just previously…but still Mulder.

"The capital of consumerism. The only place open at two am." He said unbuckling his seatbelt, "and if you say you NEED to have pajamas AGAIN I will not object." He grinned before opening the driver's side door and jumping out.

Still in my own weird daze, I unbuckled my seatbelt and got out as well, grabbing my purse from the passenger side floor and slamming the door. Mulder locked the car remotely as we headed towards the superstore.

"We've only been driving a bit under two hours and you already fell asleep."

I shrugged and yawned, "Guess so."

"Were you dreaming?"

I nodded.

"What about?"

I looked up at him as the electric doors opened, welcoming us, "Before. Just…before."

Mulder grabbed a cart with a shaky wheel and turned towards the personal hygiene section, "If I recall" he said eyeing me, "I went for the toothbrushes, soap, shampoo, conditioner and apparently the much needed Calgon, as you went on a quest for silk…or satin."

"We can just stick to the basics this time. I have plenty of pajamas at home. A home I can actually return to."

"Same. Good thing I no longer have fish to worry about."

"I keep meaning to ask why you stopped stocking that tank."

"Couldn't take them dying anymore. I already had one person leave me, I couldn't deal with the loss of aquatic creatures as well."

I took his free left hand and squeezed it hard…no words needed.

In silence, but hands held tightly, we grabbed the needed necessities already in airline safe packs – we grabbed two – complete with body wash, toothbrushes, toothpaste, shampoo, conditioner and mouthwash and made our way to check out.

The tired cashier questioned our need for a cart then shrugged it off as Mulder handed her a twenty for our $12.56 worth of necessities, "Forget to pack?" she asked yawning.

"Something like that." Mulder replied as she gave him his change and then handed me the bag.

"Have a nice flight." She said as we left, leaving the cart with all the others before returning to the car.

After getting in I tossed the bag in the backseat, "So, where are we?" I asked.

Mulder put the keys in the ignition and looked to the screen in the dash, "Just outside Charlottesville."

"What did you put as the destination?'

"Roswell."

"New Mexico?" I asked shocked, "Why so far?"

"You wanted it to be like before, that's where we went before. Minus the pitstop."

"How many miles?"

"1700."

My eyes widened, "We can't do that in a day."

"I did it before."

"You were younger! And you didn't get much sleep last night...tonight..."

"I got less sleep on a cold cement floor as I waited to be executed." He sighed, "I thought this is what you wanted."

"It didn't have to be the exact same place. We don't have time."

"Call in sick. It's not like you've never faked an illness… have you?"

"I'm sure I fibbed at some point in my career…just…"

"Just what? If anything, I'm happy to spend however many hours with you."

"Won't you get sick of me?"

"Never."

Sighing I buckled my seatbelt, "I guess the FBI can go a few days without us."

"They won't even notice we are gone." Mulder replied snapping his seatbelt in place, "but we may have to find a Starbucks once they open because I'm running on fumes."

"There's nothing wrong with stopping and getting some sleep…especially given how I just nodded off there."

"Maybe once we're out of the state, but I'm good now. Only twenty-five hours to go."

I honestly didn't recall most of the original road trip. Just the ruins, the black helicopters and falling asleep in Mulder 's arms. The fact the trip would take over a day was enough for me to know this could be looked at as a mistake on my part, but he seemed so happy to be doing it I couldn't object.

"If you start to feel tired, make sure I'm awake…and pull over."

"Is there a reward for pulling over?"

"Not causing an accident and totaling MY car is enough."

Mulder nodded, "I get it."

"We have two hundred dollars I found in my jeans. How did you know to even bring my jeans?"

"Skinner asked me to bring some of your clothes for when he, assumed, you would be released. All I could find was those jeans, a jacket and a pair of boots. I'm guessing you had the money in there for a while since I'm sure they weren't recently washed." I said looking out the window at the desert passing us by, "Now what do we do?"

"I have a friend near the Mexico border where I still have some stuff, and money stored, but I think for now we should find a place to stay for the night." Mulder said peering at the sky through the windshield, "I think we're safe."

"They probably assume they got us."

"Probably." He sighed and leaned back, "We should get some food."

"I'm not hungry."

"You need to eat."

"If I eat I'll throw up." I said realizing my hands were indeed still shaking, "I need a drink."

Mulder nodded, "Me too, but let's get some road between us and the black smoke first, ok?"

I nodded, "I'd really like to brush my teeth." I could feel the slimy film from two days without brushing forming by the second.

Mulder nodded as well, "First store we find, but let's go cheap. Only two Benjamins to get us essentials, a room for the night, gas and a lot of liquor."

I couldn't help but chuckle a bit, "A lot."

"Coffee?"

The aroma awakened my senses and my brain as Mulder waved the cup under my nose. My eyes opened to sunlight and the fact we were in a modestly busy parking lot, "Where are we now?"

"Dunkin Donuts parking lot near the border of Virginia and Tennessee. You've been out for a while so I hummed to keep myself awake until I could find caffeine." Mulder said taking a sip of his very large insulated cup and sighing, "I needed that."

I smiled and took a sip as well. It was hot, and bitter. Just like I needed. "You didn't happen to get any food, did you?"

"I didn't know what you wanted, but there's a Denny's about a mile down according to my phone and we could probably use a break. Even if we were moving away from the original plan."

"I'm quite ok with that." I replied, "As it is I kind of wish we went to the Poconos instead. I remember a friend in college went up there with her boyfriend and they have heart shaped beds, tubs. Pretty cheesy."

"I can turn around right now…" he dared.

Shaking my head, I took another sip, "No." I looked out at the parking lot, a tired woman trying to maneuver a stroller with a crying little boy who couldn't be more than three while juggling an obviously hot cup of coffee struck my eye, "Let's go eat."

"Ok." Mulder placed his coffee cup in the holder attached to the dash and started the car, "Are you ok?" 

I nodded, "I'm just hungry." I said looking away from the woman and giving my partner a small, fake, smile, "Very hungry."

I thought I had reached the point where seeing women with young children didn't feel like someone had taken hold of my heart and squeezed it, but every now and then it hit. Even though the biological clock was all but dead, my heart still panged for another child. The visions of what I believed to be my first born had stopped, along with the seizures, and I assumed that's why Mulder had been so protective over me as of late. I guess we both feared they would start again without any notice.

After more coffee, egg white omelets – you have to keep an eye on those cholesterol levels once you reach fifty - and some dry wheat toast, we were back on the road and heading towards the Virginia border.

"I'm thinking of stopping in Knoxville." Mulder said yawning, "I feel after we get a good night's sleep we can make a straight shot to New Mexico"

"Or…" I said readjusting myself - it had been a while since I'd been in a car this long – we could just stay there. Make a day of it and turn around tomorrow."

"That's not like before."

"Mulder, a lot isn't like before. I realized this spur of the moment planning really doesn't work for where we are now. I can't sit in car for twenty-seven hours, TIMES TWO, anymore." I couldn't help but notice the disappointment in Mulder's face, "I'll make it up to you…just like before."

A small smile crept across his face and the car began to accelerate, "I'm keeping you to that."

I made myself stay awake all the way to Knoxville. Checking Trip Advisor for the best hotels until my partner told me to stop. Stating we would know where we wanted to stay the second we saw it. As it was we had to hope for a vacancy; especially given it was Saturday.

As we drove downtown a nice old hotel named The Oliver jumped out at us. A sign directed us where to park up the way – and that it was free on weekends – and we did just that. The weather was mild as we left the parking garage, Wal-Mart bag shoved in my purse, and entered the hotel. The lobby was pretty empty and I checked my watch to see it was a little after one and check in was at three.

"May I help you?" the young blond from behind the front desk called out to us as we possibly looked like tired street people at this point.

Mulder smiled and approached the young lady behind the desk, "We don't have a reservation, but do you have anything available?"

She eyed us for a minute then gave a small smile – maybe she felt sorry for us because we looked so disheveled, "At this point all we have available is the King Suite."

"We'll take it." Mulder said before even asking how much it cost.

"We will need a major credit card for incidentals you may incur." She said looking directly at him.

Mulder nodded and pulled out his wallet, almost jokingly pulling out his government credit card, and then grabbing the gold American express card instead.

Now, Tiffany's, face seemed to show real expression as if we weren't street people, "I'll need a driver license as well." Scratch that; she still seemed to suspect us.

Mulder pulled out his license and handed that to her as well, "Yes, that is my name."

The bimbo giggled and I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms in annoyance as she handed the license back to him, "Ok, Mr. Mulder, that will be 270.00 for one night plus 17.25% tax and incidentals you incur."

"Like the mini bar."

"Yes, sir." She looked at me for only a second, didn't set on fire from my glare and then turned back to Mulder, "There are complimentary robes, an in room safe, free wifi and coffee and tea in the room. There's a separate living area adjacent to the bedroom where there is a desk, flat screen tv and couch. We also offer breakfast in bed." She glanced at me again for a split second – still nothing – "if you're interested."

"Very much so." I could feel him smiling at the twit, "Hopefully she won't make me sleep on the couch this time."

"I sincerely hope not, sir." She learned not to look at me any longer.

Twitany, Tiffany, then brushed her long blond locks behind her shoulders and handed Mulder his credit card and a piece of paper, "I just need you to sign at the bottom, and Gerard can help you with your luggage."

"Oh, we don't have any." Mulder scribbled his name and slid the paper back to her.

"Oh…" she took the paper, "Ok, well you are in room 313." She then handed Mulder a keycard, "Will you need one or two keys?"

Taking the card out of his hand I gave her a closer glare, "Just one. We don't plan on leaving the room. Much."

She blinked a bit and nodded, "Yes, ma'am."

She ma'amed me.

"Thank you, Tiffany." Mulder stepped away and took the card out of my hand.

"You're welcome, sir." She turned back to her computer and looked down as we walked towards the elevator across.

I kept my eyes on her as we waited for the elevator to arrive and once it did I caught her checking us one last time as we entered and the doors closed.

Mulder shook his head and snickered, "You flatter me you know."

"I'm just sick of it." I said watching the numbers go up, "After twenty-five years I've had enough of women looking at you."

"It's not like I'm going to do anything." He replied in a pitiful tone, "nor would I want to."

"I'd like to believe that." I sighed and looked up at him, "but it's a fact that men get distinguished and women just get old."

The elevator doors opened and I walked out as quickly as I could to prevent having him see me cry.

"You really need to stop obsessing over this old thing." Mulder said rushing behind me as I kept my head down heading to room 313, "You're only stressing yourself out for no good reason."

Finding the door, I stood by it and waited for Mulder to catch up and place the key in the door, "We're supposed to be having a nice getaway weekend and you're focused on some girl smiling at me." He opened the door and looked directly down at me, holding the door open with one hand and using the other to place his hand on my chin and force me to look up at him, "You're the only woman in my life. It's been that way for the last twenty-five years and it will be that way for the next."

I swallowed the large lump in my throat as I followed him into the room, the door closing loudly behind us.

I tossed my purse on the couch followed by my jacket, then made my way into the bedroom and the large king-sized bed with a backless couch at the end of it. The bed looked so comfortable all I wanted to do was get under the sheets and fall asleep forever, but more than anything else I needed a shower.

Returning to the main room, I quickly noticed Mulder was on the couch looking through a binder, "There is room service as well."

"Good." I said opening my purse and pulling out the travel bag, "I'm going to take a shower."

"Want company?" he asked looking up from the binder

I shook my head, "Not at this time."

Nodding he flipped a page, "I'll check back in with you later."

I couldn't quite put my finger on why I was just so bothered with other women as of late. I should have been used to it, by now, and given our convoluted romantic history I really had no right to object. But I was still irritated. Sick of the twenty and thirty somethings flirting with him.

The shower really didn't help put my mind at ease. I didn't even realize how long I had been in there until I found myself standing in front of the large mirror behind the bathroom counter with two sinks and just staring at my reflection in the mirror. Sometimes I forgot how old I was, then I remembered I was forced to realize such truths and all I wanted to do was stop time.

There was a soft knock on the door directly behind me. "Are you ok in there?" Mulder asked, the concern in his voice deeply obvious.

"Yes." I lied looking down at the countertop and sighing.

The door opened and I looked up to see his reflection directly above mine in the mirror, "You've been in here over an hour. Granted, I got used to it before…but considering…"

I shook my head a bit as he approached me, resting his chin on the top of my head - my hair still damp – and placing his hands on my waist, "Would it solve everything if I got a tattoo on my forehead that read Property of Dana Scully?"

I smirked and had to chuckle, "Maybe, but then we'd have even more questions to answer." Mulder didn't reply, his eyes just focused on our reflection in the mirror, "You're too quiet." I finally said, "You're never this quiet."

"I'm just thinking."

"About what?"

"How you're more beautiful now than the day I met you."

I closed my eyes in flattery and embarrassment, "I wasn't naked the day you met me."

"Oh, you were a couple days later." He smirked, "In case you thought I had forgotten."

"I wasn't naked then either." I quickly shot back.

"Close enough." He smirked and squeezed my waist with both hands, "Given how long you made me wait."

"Most men would have given up by then."

"A lot of cold showers." He smiled, his head lifting off of mine as his hands moved up my body as if he was tracing the outlines of my back, "I just wish you could see what I see…"

Trying to not react to his touch, I bit my lower lip and kept my eyes focused on the counter, "What do you see?"

"I see, a beautiful woman with soft skin, firm breasts, rock hard abs and eyes so blue I could drown in them" He said brushing my damp hair away from my neck before softly kissing it, causing a shiver to go down my spine as I gripped the edge of the counter. He knew what he was doing.

His hands returned to my waist as the seduction continued down my back, I closed my eyes again and I let go of my grip on the counter as I let him turn me around and seat me on the counter. My eyes opened as I looked up at him looking down at me with a look of want, need and desire I hadn't seen in so many years. Inches away from me, I placed my hands on his chest, feeling his heart beating rapidly from behind the grey fabric and the satisfaction that I could still make his heart race after all these years.

He swiftly removed the shirt from underneath my hands, and I found myself captivated at the abdomen of a fifty-six-year-old man, "How do you do this?" I questioned as my fingertips ran up and down his stomach like a washboard.

"Yoga…" he replied placing his hands on top of mine, "Pilates…" he said bringing my hands up to his neck, "And other forms of cardio" he smiled as he unzipped his jeans and quickly stepped out of them, never once looking away from me.

I kept my eyes focused on his as his hands moved to my back, my legs widening as he pulled me closer to him, his lips touching mine as my legs wrapped around his waist. He held me tightly as he pulled me closer to the edge of the counter, my back arching as my head tapped the mirror. It had been a long time since we tried to perfect this move, but neither of us would admit defeat as he held me tightly with one arm and used the other as a guide. I cried out as he entered me, but my body quickly relaxed as he began to thrust, his other hand now moving to the back of my head to prevent it from hitting the mirror as he quickened his pace, the pain and pleasure became overwhelming as my hands grabbed hold of his firm ass and my fingers gripped his flesh. He groaned as his lips left mine and looked down at me, pushing harder as my eyes rolled into the back of my head and my body tightened as the release of pleasure came over me. Mulder's grip on my head and back tightened as his body mimicked mine and moments later his grip loosened as he slowly released from me, my hands moving to the faucets on the sinks on either side of me for something to hold onto as I sat up on the counter, freely letting the back of my head bump the mirror.

I watched him as he stumbled a bit to the shower and turned it on, nodding at me to join him. I smiled and shook my head, "You need a break." I said as I lowered myself of the counter – there was no way I was going to attempt to hop off it given my legs still felt like Jell-O.

He smiled and nodded, walking into the shower and closing the door. I walked - barely – out of the bathroom and noticed the two robes hanging in the closet across the hall. I took one off of the hanger and put it on, tying the belt tightly around my waist. I grabbed the other and went into the living area to get the other toiletry bag out of my purse. Returning to the bathroom, which was already full of steam, I hung the additional robe on the back of the door and walked to the shower, placing the bag on the back of the toilet before opening the door next to it and poking my head in as Mulder was running his fingers through his wet hair, "I left your bag on the back of the toilet." I said.

He nodded and smiled.

I closed the door and realized we should have gotten a shaving kit as well; that two-day growth was already starting.

Just as I was about to settle on the couch there was a knock on the door. Confused as to who would be paying us a visit, I yelled "who is it?" it a deeper voice.

"Front desk, ma'am."

Ma'am. I rolled my eyes and huffed to the door, opening it to see yet another cute little Barbie doll standing in front of me holding a basket with an obvious bottle of champagne and what looked to be chocolate covered strawberries.

"May I help you?" I asked the young women with a name tag stating her name was Beth.

She presented the basket to me, "Compliments of the front desk Mrs. Mulder. We apologize for any misconceptions you may have had about our professionalism when welcoming guests to our establishment" she said in such a way that sounded a mix of rehearsed and clearly has been said more than once.

"Thank you…"I replied honestly confused that they would give out gift baskets because their front desk hussies liked to flirt with their male guests.

"I hope you have a pleasant anniversary and if you need anything else please do not hesitate to ask." She concluded before walking back towards the elevator.

I heard the bathroom door opening as I was closing the front door and turned to see Mulder walking in toward me while running a towel through his hair, "What's that?" he asked

"Complimentary champagne and chocolate covered strawberries as an apology for upsetting your wife on her anniversary."

Mulder nodded while biting the inside of his cheek, "After you were in the bathroom for over thirty minutes I may have called the front desk and complained about Tiffany's behavior."

"And lied."

"Figured it would sound better, and hey. Free champagne."

Sighing, I carried the basket to the coffee table and set it down before sitting down on the couch in front of it, Mulder quickly squeezing in beside me.

"Hey, it's not like I didn't ask. Many times."

I nodded and grabbed the hotel binder, quickly opening it to the room service menu.

"And you never actually said no…" he continued

"I said not yet." I replied flipping through the pages, "And it's been five years since you asked."

"Maybe because you walked out and moved to Maryland."

"You've never even visited me."

"To see what you chose over me? No thanks." He said tossing the towel into the other room, "Let's not fight. Not now."

Nodding I turned my concentration on the menu, "What's Knoxville known for? Food wise?"

"Probably stuff we don't eat." He said leaning over and looking at it the different kinds of meat dishes then turning to look at me, "How about we just order a pizza?"

"That works." I replied quickly closing the binder and tossing it back on the table as Mulder grabbed his phone off the side table

"There's a local place that delivers in under an hour." He said scrolling the menu and clearly fighting to see it accurately; which I chose to ignore. I was already having age related anxiety, there was no reason to make him feel it as well. "A basic large cheese works for me."

"That works." I said looking towards the window which had a nice view of the town, "Are we going to actually see the town, or just lounge in robes and eat pizza?"

"Some of my fondest memories with you involve lounging and pizza."

"So, the latter."

Mulder shrugged, "It will be dark soon, and we will have to leave pretty early to get back by nightfall tomorrow…what's so bad about just staying in?"

He had a point, and he did do all the driving while I napped. "Nothing." I smiled before resting my head on his shoulder, "And we do have champagne."

"Exactly."

By dusk, half a large vegetarian pizza had somehow been devoured along with most of the champagne and strawberries. We watched Wheel of Fortune and purposely guessed the wrong puzzles. It honestly felt like old times…before Mulder gave up on himself.

Sitting cross legged on the couch, my fingers tracing the edges of the small hotel glass with only a third of champagne left in it, my mind quickly went to a dark place I didn't want to revisit.

"I'm sorry I left."

Mulder was gnawing on a piece of crust like a caveman when he quickly stopped mid chew and turned his head right to look directly at me, "What?" he asked after removing the hard dough from his mouth and swallowing.

My eyes began to dampen as I looked up at him, "I'm sorry I left."

"You had no choice."

"No, I did. I could have made you get help."

"I wouldn't have let you. Looking back even I can see that now."

"You're not supposed to give up on the people you love." I quickly downed the rest of the liquid before reaching for the bottle, Mulder's hand quickly taking hold of my wrist to stop me.

"You've had enough." He said in a soft tone, "I don't remember you being a sad drunk."

I placed my glass on the coffee table, "Me neither." I sighed, "Maybe I'm just tired."

Mulder nodded and tossed the uneaten crust on his paper plate, "I think it would be a good idea if we got some sleep." His hand moved from my wrist to my hand, our fingers interlocking as we stood up. My legs were sore and tired, but I could still walk. I didn't feel drunk, just remorseful.

Mulder took care of turning off the lights and tv – leaving the pizza in the box stating it would be good for breakfast – all while guiding me into the bedroom and to the bed, quickly pulling back the covers and making sure I was tucked in before releasing my hand and kissing me on the forehead before making his way to the other side of the bed and removing the robe before getting under the covers as well. Once he was lying on his side, his back to me, I sat up and untied the robe, pulling it off and out from under the rest of my body before tossing it on the floor and turning off the night table lamp.

Laying on my side facing Mulder's back I watched as his muscles contracted with every breath. There were so many things I wish I could go back and time and change. Walking out on him was one of those moments.

Thunder crashed and I was startled awake. I was alone. The book I fell asleep reading fell off my chest onto the hard wood floor. Lightning illuminated my bedroom and I looked over at the clock on the bedside table to my right. It was 2:05AM. Growling, I tossed the comforter off my body and got out of the warm bed. The cold floor instantly sending a shiver of pain through my body. Even with the wool socks and flannel pajamas.

I could hear the soft sound of the tv set as I made my way down the stairs to see Mulder passed out on the couch. The sweatpants he had been wearing for the last three days were falling off his narrow hips. He was shaving again, but all this did was reveal how much weight he had lost in his face. I walked over to the couch, having to kick discarded newspapers out of my way, and picked the remote off the table and turned off whatever infomercial for male pattern baldness was on the set. Thunder crashed again and he still didn't stir. Every night for the last month I had begged him to come to bed and every morning for the last month I found him on this couch. He had given up on everything. 2012 passed with no alien invasion and it was as if he lost his drive. As if he had lost his purpose. As if everything he had ever believed was a lie.

"Mulder." I said a bit louder than a whisper as I leaned over him with my hand on his chest, "Mulder…" I said a bit louder.

His eyes moved under the lids and he slowly opened them while licking his lips, "What time is it?" he asked

"Two."

"Oh. Time for The Feud." He said with a bit of enthusiasm as his is right arm seemed to be reaching for the for the remote.

"No, Mulder. Two AM."

"Oh." He let his arm fall against the couch, "Nothing's on then."

"Mulder, you really need to see a doctor."

"I already see one." He smirked and pointed at me, "See. Doctor."

He wasn't drunk, but he wasn't sober. I wasn't sure what he was. Taking the hand that was pointing at me I way too easily was able to pull him up from the couch into at least a sitting position, "Come to bed."

"Why bother." He said falling back down, "You'll just leave in a few hours and I'll be all alone. Again."

"I can get someone to cover." I said pulling him up - again too easily. "Please." I begged.

That seemed to get the message to him and he let me pull him up to his feet, where he almost fell into me, "When did you last eat?" I asked

"When did we order Chinese?" he replied yawning.

"Three days ago."

"I guess the eggrolls were that filling." He chuckled as I led him up the stairs and to the bedroom.

Pulling back the comforter from his side of the bed, I pulled off his black t shirt and in the moonlight could see far too many ribs and a serious reduction in muscle tone. I held back the tears as he climbed into the bed and I pulled the covers over him.

"Scully…" he said softly.

"What, Mulder?" I replied as I crumbled the t-shirt into a ball and wished I had an incinerator.

"I got final Jeopardy." He smiled

"Of course, you did." I replied before going into the bathroom and tossing the shirt in the hamper.

The man I loved. Who graduated first in his class was slowly dying in front of me and I was helpless to save him.

I got back into bed and turned on my left side watching him as he stared up at the ceiling. He hadn't touched me in months…I couldn't help but wonder if he ever would again.

Thunder crashed and my eyes bolted open. Mulder had now turned to face me and was sound asleep. His face so much healthier than in my dream. Sadly, it wasn't a dream…just a very painful retelling of events I wished I could forget. The alarm clock flashed 1:13AM and I needed air. The room didn't have a balcony and I didn't feel like getting dressed, so I simply walked to the large window and stared out at the quiet city below as the rain danced against the glass.

I don't know how long I was standing there before I heard the bed creek and Mulder clear his throat, "Well, isn't that a sight." He said.

Hearing him speak that way helped ease my mood as I smiled and turned to him, "I had a bad dream." I replied, "I thought just watching the rain fall would help."

"Want to talk about it?" He asked.

I shook my head, "I'd rather forget."

"Ah." He sat up and crossed his arms, "I'm guessing that the conversation before we went to sleep had something to do with it."

"Don't profile me." I said in a snarky tone, "I can't control my dreams."

"But you can prevent them. I don't blame you for leaving. As much as it hurt, it was probably what you needed to do to get me to realize something was wrong. That and the fact every pair of pants I owned fell off regardless of how many new notches I made in a belt. That's when I even bothered putting on pants."

"Did you ever see anyone?"

He nodded, "I did. And without insurance it cost a pretty penny, but after a few sessions I realized that I needed to find other things to focus on. It was as if I did nothing for so long that my brain just started to shut down. I needed to jump start it like a car battery. I started with crossword puzzles, moved up to looking up old cases and reprofiling them until I just eventually became…sane."

"You never told me any of this."

"You had already seen me at my worst, and you left…I honestly didn't think you cared."

"I never stopped caring." I said returning to the bed – partly because I was getting cold and partly because I needed to be near him "I just…imagine having to see the worse cases of neurological diseases in children day in and day out and coming home to watch the man you love slowly deteriorate mentally right in front of you."

"You said love…not loved."

"I know what I said."

Lighting sparked, lighting up the entire bedroom as we found ourselves just looking into each other's eyes like we hadn't done in years. We never talked about the that time and now that we did it was if another hurdle had been passed in getting back to the place we desperately needed to be.

I'm not sure how much time went by as we sat like that, before Mulder brushed a strand of hair out of my face, his fingers delicately tracing down my cheekbone and down my neck before bringing them behind my neck and pulling me to him. His lips tender as they touched mine and he slowly lowered me onto my back; the kiss deepening, our tongues twirling as he gently shifted his body above mine. His hand moving slowly down my body sending small shock waves with each touch until reaching my center, making sure I was ready for him. His movements were measured, as if he wanted this moment to last forever and as the pleasure coursed through my entire body I couldn't object. When my climax came I felt tears fall down my face as his body jerked and a soft moan escaped his lips as his teeth dug into the skin of my neck like a wild animal. The tears continued to fall – for reasons I couldn't ascertain – as his exhausted body fell onto mine. My heart racing, my neck throbbing, I wiped the tears away as quickly as I could in fear he would see them and ask me why. I didn't know why. Maybe it was a subconscious release of some kind. Either way, I hadn't recalled crying while making love in quite some time, or ever.

After a few moments, Mulder released from me and after his lips brushed against mine for mere seconds he returned to his side of the bed; our eyes locked on one another until the heaviness of sleep took over.

I didn't dream.

Given how much I had been dreaming lately, I found this odd. My eyes opened to see Mulder sitting on the bench at the end of the bed, his back to me hunched over.

"What time is it?" I yawned.

"A little after nine." He replied sitting up, "I figure we should probably get on the road as early as possible because of traffic."

"What happened to taking a couple of days off?"

He stood up and sighed, "I realized if we're both gone that will start those rumors I know you hate and I'd just rather keep this to us."

I yawned again and nodded, "Me too." I said sitting up and feeling a rush like I had stood up too fast after not eating all day.

"Are you ok?" Mulder asked clearly noticing my light headedness.

"I think so. Just felt odd there for a second."

"Odd how?"

"Just a little dizzy…."I waited for it to pass before getting out of bed on wobbly legs and needing to sit back down. "It may take me a moment."

"You're not in any pain, are you?" He asked looking genuinely concerned.

"No…" I placed my hands on my knees, "No pain…" even my neck no longer throbbed. "Just, odd."

Mulder walked out of the bedroom into the bathroom and returned with my clothes, handing me my undergarments and even helping clasp the bra joking he was better at unclasping. I held my weak arms up as he helped me with my sweater making me feel like an invalid.

"I probably just need to eat something."

"I hope you aren't coming down with one of the many flu bugs going around." He replied as I popped my head out of the v neck.

"That's the last thing I need." I said picking up my jeans and pulling them on my shaky legs, "Maybe I developed an iron deficiency."

"Overnight?"

I knew how crazy I sounded; I didn't need him looking at me like I had two heads and one was insane. "Can you please get me my boots?"

He nodded and asked where I left them. I didn't remember, so as I sat frozen in my own body I watched him run from room to room until he yelled that they were under the couch. Returning to the bedroom and placing them on my feet like I was Cinderella and he was the handsome prince.

"A perfect fit." I honestly giggled causing Mulder to look up at me like I had three heads.

"You're starting to scare me."

I rolled my eyes and sighed, "Men."

Letting him help me, invalid, I stood up and was able to walk into the living area and sit on the couch as Mulder collected the rest of our things – shoving them in my already full purse.

"Do you think you can make it to the car?"

I nodded. Honestly feeling a bit more like myself as I sat upright, but also liking the pampering. "Maybe you broke me."

"Don't joke like that." He said handing me the purse, "I mean…was I that rough?"

"The exact opposite honestly…" I said taking his hand as I stood up with a bit more strength than earlier, "Not like that time in Austin when we were so drunk we both woke up in agony."

"You only turn forty-one once." He chuckled in memory as he opened the door.

"Wow." I didn't even realize how long ago that was until he mentioned his birthday, "If we could write a book…"

"No one would believe it." He said as I exited before him, "Or buy it."

By the time Mulder stopped at a small diner for breakfast I felt like myself again. Unsure what had come over me, maybe it was a five-hour bug, but as I perused the menu I wanted nearly everything on it. Mulder had recently become pescatarian and even though I rarely ate meat myself, an entire plate of bacon seemed like the perfect breakfast.

I opted for turkey bacon and an egg white omelet as Mulder ordered a fruit plate and steel cut oatmeal

"How much money do you want to bet they give us each other's meals." I said before swallowing the entire glass of orange juice in one large gulp.

"At least you feel better." He said taking a regular sip of his juice, "But if you sleep the entire way back I won't object."

I nodded and took a scan of the room. Your general after church crowd. Little boys in ties and little girls in cute dresses and mary janes.

I may have sighed too loudly watching a little blonde girl blow bubbles into her glass of milk because I felt a couple of hazel eyes on me as my own eyes begin to tear up. He placed his hand on mine and squeezed it gently as my eyes closed and I sighed before opening them, "One day it won't hurt so much."

"But not today."

"Not today."

We sat in silence until another server brought our food and I really should have put money on it as he placed the bacon in front of Mulder and the fruit plate in front of me. We waited until he left to switch them, both snickering a little which was a good distraction from the ache in my heart.

I wasn't tired, but I slept anyway. When my eyes finally opened it was dark and Mulder was parking the car in front of my house in Bethesda.

I blinked rapidly as he turned off the engine and looked at me, "I didn't feel comfortable having you drive home given this morning and the fact you've been out for eight hours."

I unbuckled my seatbelt and nodded, "Do you want to stay over?"

"As much as I would love to see what the inside of that twenty-first century fortress looks like, I feel it's best I just catch a cab home."

"That's an expensive ride."

"I'd rather deal with the cost than worry about you getting home." He said handing me the keys and getting out of the driver's side of the car.

I looked at my watch and it was after seven, "At least let me wait with you till the cab comes."

Mulder nodded as he opened the app on his phone, "Lyft is closer." He said, "Jamel in the White Prius is three miles away."

"Technology. What would we do without it?" I said opening my phone and turning the security system off and the lights on with a couple of taps.

Mulder purposely kept his eyes forward, towards the street and away from my house. He had declined every invite to visit, but never said why. Now, as I saw him standing here I understood why. I didn't choose this house over him, but maybe that's how he saw it. Maybe it was just a painful reminder of what happened years earlier, regardless of how close…how very close…we had recently become.

Placing my phone in my bag I took his right hand with my left and squeezed it. I didn't want to ask. I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to have this moment as we waited for Jamel to separate us yet again.

When the White Prius appeared, my heart felt heavy as Mulder let go of my hand and gave me a small smile before heading to the car. Part of me wanted to send Jamel away, but I knew this is how it had to be. Maybe one day we would be in that special place again, but not today.

I watched him get into the passenger side of the hybrid vehicle and waited until the tail lights were out of view before turning and walking into my house. It was cold, it was quiet and it would never feel like a home.

Maybe one day we would be able to live together…happily…

Just like before.


End file.
